More Character Building...

I'm back. From a weekend in the mountains with family, from a week of sitting by my husband in the ICU, from my last cycle (for awhile) of fertility meds.

Brad is doing okay. We are still walking on eggshells a little...he's feeling very cold in general - probably from the lowered blood pressure, cold weather, and lack of 150lbs he had on last winter. So he's wearing every warm item of clothing he has, plus sock on his hands. I AM worried for his heart still, even though the Dr. assured us everything will be fine. I'm more worried for his mental well-being. Having a heart attack at 28 years old really isn't condusive to a positive outlook from someone who already struggled with that. He says his lungs are hurting "around his heart." I have no idea what that could possibly mean. Maybe it's from breathing the cold mountain air...maybe it's something else. But I'm forcing him to the Dr. with even the slightest pain. (Hey...how much worse could the bill get at this point?)

My hair is still falling out. I pulled huge gobs of it out of the drain this morning. I don't know where it's all coming from because I didn't have much in the first place. Sadly, this is a rare side effect from the Clomid (fertility meds.) Before we left for the weekend I took a pregnancy test. I held it up to the light, let it sit for a few hours, shook it around, turned it upside down, and not even a faint line. It was still 3 days until my period was due...but I took one of those tests that says "99.99% Accurate!"....so I had to repeat that statistic to myself over and over again until Aunt Flo actually arrived. And of course I could time her arrival down to the hour. Once again, 7:30pm, 13 days past ovulation. I will say knowing the exact hour she arrives is very convenient. Albiet unwelcome. I DID tell God that he could have my uterus and hair as long as I get my hubby forever - so I suppose the more uterus and hair I lose the longer Brad will be around....?

We spent the weekend with family, "hunting" in the cold mountains in the middle of nowhere. I don't actually "hunt" - I just pretend to look for innocent animals and secretly divert the hunter's attention elsewhere. I went four-wheeling with my nieces and nephew, hung out around the fire, and for a little bit the rest of the world faded away and everything was normal. Brad had been looking forward to the trip since last year, and it's all he talked about...so even though it was dumb, we took him up there anyway. He needed his family. He took it easy, got plenty of rest, and I took good care of him :D Now he's back home where he should be though.

Sorry my posts have been so long lately! I'm just blah, blah, blahing away! Obviously I'll be getting caught up this week. Trying to get inspiration back for blog designs, trying to let the circumstances make me stronger, trying to realize how lucky I really am. Before we start trying for a baby again, I'm going to lose 30lbs. It'll probably take me 4-5 months. But I'm okay with waiting longer. I want to enjoy my hubby...enjoy life...try to get as healthy as possible. Both physically and mentally. Maybe just say "screw it" and go on a vacation with the money we should be paying the hospital bills with, tee hee!

Anyway, thanks for reading this far if you did! Having you guys for support makes all the difference in the world. (Now if we could only do lunch in real life...)