Do Not Read If You Are My FIL

I debated talking about this...wasn't really sure if it would be "smart" to say anything before the "third month." If you are in your reader, you're probably freaking out right now because you think I'm preggo. Well, not yet. (But still keep reading, this will be fun.)

So, I've been trying to get REALLY healthy and do pretty much everything right so that Bubba and I can start our baby-makin. I mean, it's never to early to try, and if anything we will find out what is "wrong" sooner rather than later. So - I bought a book - "Taking Charge of Your Fertility." And let me tell you - it's a good thing my computer was on the fritz last night, or I would feel totally guilty for foregoing blog layouts for a few hours reading the. entire. book. Aside from the parts about menopause anyway. (My computer was later fixed by hubby :) See he's good for TWO things.) But this was even a huge feat for ME, because the last book I read was probably BEFORE college. (Yeah, sad...reading bores me unless it's self-help. LOL.)

Anywhoo, I sat there in sheer amazement as to my lack of knowledge. "I have to touch my WHAT? I have to reach into where? That is for THAT? Oh, so THAT's what that is. Oh, THAT'S why that happens." I firmly believe that my husband and I now will only have to get it on ONCE per month, as I am SO in tune with my femininity now I can pinpoint when future Bubby or Apey pops from my ovary. Well...close.

So here is my list of "Things Every Woman But Me Probably Knew Already." (If you're prude, don't read this.)

1. When you are charting your temperatures, a spike actually means its too late and you already ovulated.

2. Cervical Mucus (NEVER called "discharge") is pretty much the key to conceiving. In every aspect - it's like God's gift to humans. (And it's not just for the vag - it also works IN the uterus.)

3. There are "channels" where the sperm chill out at the opening of the cervix. Whoa! And if your mucus is GOOD, they can stay for up to FIVE FREEKIN DAYS!

4. The uterus is the size of a small lemon. A LEMON. And ovaries are almond-sized. Seriously think about that. I'm picturing like this giant organ the size of at least a grapefruit - possibly a Honeydew Melon. And ovaries the size of large walnuts. I think I have lymph-nodes larger than my uterus. It's amazing how much pain one stupid little lemon can cause. That gives me hope though because that means sperm don't have very far to travel.

5. It only takes about 20 seconds for the ovary to be swept into the fallopian tube. That's quick!

6. My cervix pretty much points towards my butt, and my uterus points forward -ho. I always thought it was just upright like all the illustrations show... HA!

I did learn a lot more too - which I will save for the next installment of "7th Grade Anatomy 101".